Michele Curtis explains how Divorce Recovery Workshop helped her get over her marriage break-up
Have you ever stopped to consider how you would cope if you were faced with a broken marriage? Or is it something that only happens to other people? Divorce can come from all ways. It may not happen to you, but it could be your siblings, your children, your parents or, as a church leader, one of your congregation.
Christians are not exempt from the trauma of marriage break-up, often coping with a double whammy of failing at marriage and as a Christian. I am no stranger to this as I face a second broken marriage.
Where do you go when your life is falling about your ears and your heart is totally broken? I have found support up to a point from family, church leaders and Christian friends but it’s hard to understand this situation unless you have actually experienced it for yourself.
If your spouse dies you are usually surrounded by caring and loving friends and family. They send you cards, call in and listen/share in your mourning. Perhaps invite you for meals/to stay over/give comfort/hugs/love. There’s a funeral and again support for you through that and an opportunity to work through the grieving process which, over time, can bring healing and acceptance.
Compare that with separation/divorce. Your spouse is gone but you cannot bury them (although you may really want to!) You may lose your home, your children, your pets, your financial security, your job, your status as a wife/husband and sometimes you may even lose your mind to anxiety and depression.
Where do you turn to with these feelings of shock, anger, despair, pain, isolation? Doesn’t the Bible say that “God hates divorce”? So if you turn to Him will he listen? The Church – won’t they condemn you/exclude you? Christian friends – some are often afraid that your situation might contaminate their own marriages/relationships or, at best, they just do not know what to say or do.
I want to reassure and encourage you that there is a way through. I really sought the Lord in prayer at the beginning of this year after having fought the heavy depression and black thoughts that I had struggled with for nearly two years.
I prayed “Lord, where do I go from here?” A few days later I was reading my devotions and it mentioned Divorce Recovery Workshop, a charity set up in the UK in 1992. It was originally started in America by the Revd Bill Flanagan who had a heart to pray for the healing of people and not the statistics of divorce.
It is run locally in many areas around the country and as a weekend workshop in Harnhill and Lee Abbey, for example. I went along to Lee Abbey in North Devon and it was a very, very helpful weekend. Being at Lee Abbey meant I had time and space to retreat from the pressures of life and had others around me to pray through some of my pain.
To complement the workshop Lee Abbey offered an optional session called What The Bible Says About Divorce and a Communion/healing service. These answered so many questions and helped me move on
These workshops are not just for Christians and it is not about conversion to any faith. It is open to anyone going through this painful process. It is designed to be run over weekly sessions/weekend workshops mainly in group work but participants are encouraged to share their experiences and learn from others in the group. It’s a “proven self-help model run to a defined standard, using volunteers from within”.
The course material is excellent. In the groups, we shared ways in which we had coped or not coped and the effect that it had on us, and our faith in God.
I recommend these workshops to those who are facing separation or divorce, or as somewhere to direct anyone you may know who is in that situation.
If you want to know more about Divorce Recovery Workshops, log on to: www.drw.org.uk.
